


sometimes we break so beautiful

by neoncrayolas



Category: 9-1-1 (TV)
Genre: Established Relationship, Fluff, M/M, Mild Hurt/Comfort
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-12-02
Updated: 2019-12-02
Packaged: 2021-02-25 21:42:36
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,950
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/21642394
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/neoncrayolas/pseuds/neoncrayolas
Summary: In which Buck has a bad shift, and Eddie's there to help.
Relationships: Evan "Buck" Buckley/Eddie Diaz
Comments: 8
Kudos: 336





	sometimes we break so beautiful

**Author's Note:**

> Honestly...this is just 2k words of mild hurt/comfort and fluff, because I needed it.

“Eddie?”

Buck crept into the bedroom, quiet as to not wake Christopher. It was 5 AM, and Buck had just gotten off a 24-hour shift. Eddie had had the day off and Buck was just – he was exhausted. It had been a long, bad shift, and all Buck had wanted to do for the past few hours was crawl home to Eddie.

Eddie shifted ever so slightly at Buck’s voice, turning his head to peer at Buck.

“Buck –” he mumbled, lifting the covers. Buck shed his pants and shirt, crawling under them. He tugged on Eddie’s arm and immediately the older man shifted again, pulling Buck into him. Buck curled into his chest, nestling his head into the crook of Eddie’s neck, and pulling the covers high over both of them.

“You okay?” Eddie murmured in Buck’s ear, and Buck knew he was already on his way back to sleep.

“Am now,” Buck whispered back. “Glad I’m here with you.”

“M’ too,” Eddie said, and right before Buck drifted off, he heard Eddie say, “love you.”

~

When Buck woke up, he was wrapped in the thick comforter on Eddie’s bed, curled up, and the other side of the bed was empty. Buck was half-asleep, didn’t remember coming home last night, only remembered the past 24 hours at work, and he shot up.

“ _Eddie_ ,” he gasped, suddenly feeling like he can’t breathe.

No one came, and the other side of the bed was cold.

 _No_.

“Eddie!” Buck called again, going to swing his legs over the side of the bed. He got tangled in the blanket instead, falling out of the bed, flailing. He had to get – _Eddie_ – he was –

“Buck?”

Buck looked up and through blurry vision saw Eddie coming to crouch down next to him. Buck launched himself at the other man, knocking him over.

“ _Fuck_ , Eddie,” Buck gasped as Eddie wrapped his arms around him.

“Hey, hey,” Eddie whispered. “I’m right here, I’m here. You are fine, and I am fine.”

Buck shook his head from where it was buried in Eddie’s shirt, fingers grasping at his shoulders. He could feel Eddie, knew he was there, but all of the calls they’d taken – literally every single one had triggered something in him – were playing on repeat in his mind and he couldn’t – he couldn’t make them stop, he needed to make them stop –

“Buck.”

Eddie’s voice sounded, but it was too far away and tinny, didn’t sound like anything familiar, and Buck knew he was just dreaming – Eddie couldn’t be, because Buck was –

 _“Evan_.”

Buck’s head shot up, eyes red and mouth open. Eddie was staring back at him, eyes brimming with concern. He held Buck firmly by the shoulders and Buck closed his eyes again, trying to concentrate on Eddie’s hands, trying to let them ground him. Eventually his breathing evened out.

“There you go.” Buck could hear Eddie’s voice more clearly this time, and he slowly opened his eyes again.

“Buck, what’s going on?” Eddie asked softly, loosening his grip on Buck’s shoulders a little.

“Bad shift,” Buck muttered, sitting back on his heels, mildly embarrassed.

“Do you want to talk about it?”

Buck shook his head almost too fast, trying to stop the tears stinging his eyes again.

“Okay,” Eddie said gently. “That’s fine. But I am here if you want to, alright?”

Buck nodded tightly, looking pointedly away from Eddie.

Though they had been dating for six months now, and Buck for all intent and purposes had practically moved in, he still wasn’t able to shake the feeling that he was some sort of burden. Eddie had his own stuff to deal with, and Buck didn’t want to add to that. He felt like he was still trying to get a hang of this whole ‘relationship’ thing because he’d never really _been_ in one like this before – one where he cared this much. It almost scared him.

But Eddie was patient, and that made Buck feel _worse_ , because he didn’t feel like he deserved Eddie’s patience.

“Hey, Buck,” Eddie said softly, reaching over to take Buck’s hand. “We both have the day off today, Chris is at school – why don’t we just take it easy, lay on the couch, and watch some TV?”

Buck nodded again, and let Eddie pull him up, untangling himself from the blankets.

“Did you get a chance to shower after shift?”

Buck looked over at his pile of discarded clothes, realizing he hadn’t – he’d been so concerned with just _getting home_ that he’d shot out of the station like something was chasing him.

“No,” he whispered, biting his lip. “I guess I…”

Eddie stared at him for a moment before tugging on his hand. “C’mon.”

Buck let Eddie lead him into the bathroom, and stood there as Eddie reached in, turning the water on. Then he reached for Buck, eyes asking the unspoken question, and when Buck gave a nod, Eddie peeled off his underwear before guiding him to step into the shower. Eddie quickly slipped out of his own clothes and climbed in behind him, shutting the door.

It wasn’t the first time they’d showered together, but this time it felt – different. More intimate.

“Eddie, I –”

Buck’s voice was hoarse, and Eddie shushed him, kissing the corner of his mouth, eliciting a small smile from the younger man.

“Let me do this for you, Ev.”

Buck nodded, letting his hands fall down to his sides. Grabbing the shampoo he knew Buck loved, he reached up and started massaging his hands through Buck’s hair, taking his time and kneading his fingers across his scalp, feeling the skin move under his fingertips. He could feel the tension start to drain from Buck slowly. Tipping his head back into the spray, Eddie continued to massage through Buck’s hair, making sure to rinse all the shampoo out.

Then he grabbed his own body wash and a washcloth, running it over every inch of Buck’s body gently, watching as Buck closed his eyes, leaning into Eddie’s touch, and letting his body relax even more. He made sure the soap got rinsed off, and then reached out of the shower to grab some of the essential oils that he sometimes put into Chris’s baths. Switching their positions so Eddie was standing under the spray and Buck was facing the wall, he shook some of the oils onto his hands, and reached up to place his fingers on Buck’s shoulders, running light circles across the skins, working the oils in.

“You are not alone,” Eddie murmured. “I’m here, Ev. Never doubt that.”

Buck slumped forward, shoulders falling, leaning his head against the wall of the shower. Eddie reached back and turned the water off, slipping around Buck to get out of the shower and grabbing two towels. He quickly wrapped one around his own waist, before reaching for Buck, pulling him out of the shower and sitting him down on the toilet. He dried Buck off carefully, running the towel down his arms, his torso, his legs, and finally through his hair. Standing Buck up, he wrapped the towel around his waist, and closed his fingers around Buck’s wrist lightly, leading him out of the bathroom.

He looked back at the younger man as they walked down the hallway back to the bedroom, and saw Buck looking at him with hooded eyes, and something in his eyes was just so – heartbreaking to Eddie.

He grasped Buck’s wrist a little tighter, as if the harder he held on, the more he could keep Buck from falling apart completely.

~

It was after they were situated on the couch that Buck finally spoke. They’d been there for what felt like hours, Eddie sitting up and Buck’s head in his lap. Eddie was running his fingers through Buck’s hair almost absentmindedly, both of their eyes on the TV but not quite watching it.

“A firefighter from the 123 was killed in a house fire last night.”

The hand running through his hair stilled momentarily, and Buck pictured Eddie’s face closing off for a split second. It was always hard, when one of their own was killed. Not only did they all feel so deeply for their loved ones, it also gave them a hard wake-up call about their own mortality. How easy it was to lose the fight they went out and did every day.

“And – and the first call, the first fucking call we got, Eds, was a pickup truck plowing down the wrong side of the highway – he managed to _decimate_ at least six cars, and there was – there were _kids_ , man.”

Eddie brought his other hand to Buck’s chest, rubbing it deeply as the younger man spoke.

“And on another call, Bobby made me go sit in the truck, because it was a flooded apartment building, and I swear I forgot how to _function_ for a minute. I froze. All I could see were – _waves_ , everywhere, and I couldn’t breathe.”

Buck took a deep breath and turned so his head was buried in Eddie’s stomach.

“It was just…it was a bad shift,” he muttered, wrapping his arms around Eddie.

Eddie kept combing his fingers through Buck’s hair, fluffing the curls out, and he leaned down to press a kiss to Buck’s temple.

“I’m glad you told me, Ev,” Eddie said softly. “I never want you to feel like you can’t talk to me.”

“Don’t wan’ be a burden,” Buck mumbled sleepily. “I’ve put you guys through so much already…don’t wan’ make it worse.”

Eddie felt his heart just _shatter_.

He was sure Buck was asleep, but that didn’t stop the words that slipped off his tongue anyway.

“You are not a burden, Evan Buckley. I’d be completely lost without you, and if I have to spend the rest of my life making you believe that, so be it.”

~

When Buck woke up, he was once again alone, this time on the couch in Eddie’s living room. Sighing deeply and turning over – he _did_ feel a little better, after telling Eddie about his shift, and sleeping a little more – he was about to reach for the remote on the ground when he heard the front door open, and the familiar click of Chris’s crutches on the hardwood floor.

Despite the weight still shifting in his chest, a smile broke out onto his face as his favorite little dude came around the corner.

“Buck!”  
Buck sat up and reached his arms out just in time for Christopher to tumble into them, laughing. Buck hugged Chris to him tight before lifting him up onto the couch next to him. Chris dropped his crutches onto the ground, reaching up to wrap his arms around Buck’s neck.

“Dad said you had a bad day, and that you needed extra special cuddles for the rest of the night!”

Buck let out a laugh while simultaneously holding back a sob. He didn’t deserve Eddie or Christopher, but fuck, he would take them while they were here.

“I was about to turn on a movie, what do you say to some Moana action?”

Christopher cheered and immediately plopped down next to Buck, snuggling into his side, fingers clutching his shirt. Buck’s arm came down easily around the little boy, and it was then that Buck finally looked up to see Eddie watching the two of them with such a soft smile on his face that Buck felt – impossibly light. Like his heart might burst from how happy the Diaz boys made him.

And in that moment, he knew – no matter how much he might break, his pieces would always fall into the home they’d made, and eventually be put back together again.

**Author's Note:**

> Title is from "Wildfire" by SYML. 
> 
> thanks for reading!!! :)


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